August 11, 2012

Something Inspirational

I can’t come to terms with the relevance of MUET. For the oral part, you are given like 2 minutes to ramble on one particular topic. Are you kidding me? 2 minutes, that is just my introduction! Somehow it sends me jitters as I can sense a bit of failure to conform to the duration limit. But screw MUET, screw its irrelevance.

Previous week, we were like given some time to do a bit of impromptu and the topic was about “Making Decisions”. I knew it sounded so mundane but try your best not to laugh. So it started with one person at the back and continued to the next.

To the next, to the next, and to me.

At the time my reverie was all about Alex Turner and his songs, and random ramblings of what to have for Iftar, I was stupefied with the obligation to end the cycle (as I was the last). Luckily God was gracious enough to inject me some ideas, based on one post found on 9Gag the night beforehand, I uttered, without realizing it, “Making decisions is something really hard. Some decisions turn out good while some turn out bad. Everything happens for a reason. But sometimes the reason is that we are stupid and we make wrong decisions”.

I did not realize I said that.

When I pondered back, I feel agitated. “We are stupid and we make wrong decisions” Is this really true? Can we really foresee the future? Are there such things as wrong decisions? Is there anyone who really wants to make a bad decision?

“Know you not that Allah knows all that is in the heaven and on the earth? Verily, it is (all) in the Book (Al‑Lawh Al‑Mahfooz). Verily, that is easy for Allah” (Quran, al-Hajj 22:70)

For lots of reasons, I start to appreciate Quran more these days. There are lots of relatable quotes in there that can hinder me from my unreasonable daily depressions.  And this one really soothes me.

For everything Allah creates, they all have reasons. Screw Science that can’t explain Mind’s Connection and Déjà vu. From the Sun that heats the space to the bacteria that consume wastes, they are never good-for-nothing.

And so are you. Allah has the perfect plan for all of us. Even though everything has been pre-destined, but Allah is always the best planner. We are never like robots - being pre-programmed and are confined with specific what-to-dos; we are always free and are boundless to make decisions. He has a flexible plan; a plan that allows us to benefit the world with our very own talents.

These days, I’m always in a gloomy mood. When I woke up, I tried to be as bubbly as possible, as motivated as ever. But there was like an urge that exhort me to feeling bad, without any known solid reasons.  And the days just passed by, with me ignoring the fact that the shirt I wore was unwashed for months, making a long face all the way to class, inwardly cursing everyone with an F-word, smirking to anyone who spelled out stupid jokes, and not giving a f*** to everything encompassing me. Sometimes I feel like killing myself, hoping to be reincarnated so I can start this all over. Change my name, change my attitude, be a whole new person.

But I can’t.

And this is when I start to believe that I’m a part of His plan. His timing is perfect. There is no such thing as “bad decisions”. Even if it is true, there is nothing you can do as life goes on. Let it go – letting go is not giving up. It’s an understanding that something better is coming.

Then I realize that the best thing for me to do is to fulfill his plan. It requires me to slow down the voice of my own desire, open myself to Him, and look within with total sincerity. It takes my whole level of courage, patience and determination.