August 06, 2012

Things Change


Can I just prattle? This is not academical, like I used to write.

It’s kind of lame to write about your latest up and about in blog, but truth to be told; I’m friendless. I have no one to listen to my innocuous ramblings 24/7, be with me for some tasty treats, stroll with me in the sunset, share with me some ideas on how far superior Beijing Olympic Opening Ceremony was than that in London and the infamous Faux Pas when meeting the queen, acquiesce with my eccentric decorum, and most importantly, be with me just for some random, stupid, useless chats. So I guess my blog is the last straw to expel this breath I hold so long, being here in University.

Like I used to keep up with you good friends, my studies in here cannot be any better; I like learning biology on the glycosidic bonds, the reproduction and stuff; I enjoy physics’ projectile motion, circular motion and the Bulk’s Modulus; I enjoy drawing Lewis Structures for Chemistry, identifying its types of bonds and its charge. But what mostly comes a bit disturbing to me is the fact, that I have no one to discuss with, to remind me with tutorials and all shitty stuff. Maybe this turns out to be so absurd and infantile one can instantaneously roll his eyes. But I had never got this kind of atrocious treatment previously. My classmates are fine, but really, I cannot find ways to mingle with them. I am the only boy, sitting in front while the rest are at the back, making unnecessary noises and amateur jokes which literally kill my ears! While for the most girls, they talk among themselves, but some are okay, but they are really not into my jokes.

Being alone in a room has its own juxtaposition of pros and cons. Now I realized that its cons outweigh its pros. The good side is that; you can flamboyantly muddle your room with mountains of books and clothes, be naked anytime you want without having anyone remarking of your disproportion and completely ignore the junks in the room by treating them as a form of exquisite art decoration. But I’m wrong. Having roommates for five years in MRSM realizes me that roommates, no matter how you distaste them, will remind you to give and take; recall you with some random biology terminologies, ask you to have some coffee or ice-cream, or at least, chit-chatted with you about anything before going to sleep. When you are in the level of not communicating to anyone, not listening to human voices, and spend most of the time, dividing yourself into flinders which eclectically speak among themselves, you are nearing insanity. And I’m now, insane.

When I walk anywhere, apparently alone, I can sense the unusual glares hooked on me, and I can resoundingly hear their inner subconscious cynically mocking me with my “anti-social” behavior. I am not and am never anti-social; you are being anti-social to me. Having some friends of mine recently had a sleepover in UM in the previous weekend, realized me how I don’t want that weekend to end, how I just want to be with these rascals, watching movies, eating and chatting, laughing and spelling out some funny bad words. How I need friends so freaking badly.

Some may call me independent. But as far as eccentric, whimsical and odd, I can really be, I am also a normal form of a human being who needs – a right friend. But as the clock timidly strikes to 12.30 am, as the mockingbirds gloriously orchestrate euphonious music waves into my verandah, and as the traffic ambience soothingly reverberates my eardrum now, I don’t have a friend.

And I wonder, when will this end.